A Different Kind of Mama

It’s good to be back in this space. A space I so value because it’s my very own. My own words and my own thoughts. See, that’s been the problem these past few months. Since our second daughter has been born I haven’t really had my own anything. Space, time, thoughts, feelings, they all seemed…

I Think It’s Okay?

When you’re a mom to a small child, you often hear the words “Enjoy these moments, they fly by” or something along those lines. Those moments an acquaintance or stranger asks you how you’re doing, as you stand there holding that drooling baby on your hip, swaying the sway you don’t even realize you do…

U n d o n e

“Are you and your husband trying to conceive again?” Dr. Hosier asked. “Well, not necessarily but we aren’t NOT trying, either.” I replied questionably. “After the miscarriage, we talked about waiting a bit and buying a house first, and getting settled into our new careers.” “Then I will go ahead and write you a prescription…

Choosing Love

Both my husband and I are absolutely loving the stage our daughter is in. We talk about it all the time. There are so many things we find ourselves enjoying. Like sleeping through the night. We enjoy that. It’s nice to not have to navigate sleep with a kid who won’t. We enjoy the toddler…

E x h a u s t e d

Today is one of those days that I’m just plain exhausted. There’s no particular reason. My small human sleeps through the night, takes decent naps, and she is a pretty mellow and content little one. She is struggling with teething which makes her clingy and desiring extra attention. But what toddler isn’t struggling with teething…

It’s Going To Be Okay

Hey, are you okay? He asked as he scooted in closer behind me. I felt the warmth of his chest against my bare back as my brain scrambled to formulate some kind of answer. No. I whimpered softly as tears started to well up in my eyes. I could tell, he said gently. You seem…

Tired As A Mother

Motherhood is exhausting. When your baby comes earth side, I feel as if you are already instinctively prepared for the late night cluster feedings, the witching hour, and the confusion that comes between days and nights with a newborn. However, nothing can prepare you for the struggle of motherhood after the newborn stage. Just when…

Tonight I Nursed You For The Last Time

No one will tell you how emotional breastfeeding can actually be. I’m angry. I’m sad. I’m torn. I feel on edge and my anxiety is at an all time high. I’ve been walking around the last few days with cabbage leaves in my bra, drinking peppermint tea like it’s going out of style and trying…

I Wouldn’t Be The Mama I Am Without You

There is so much that I’m thankful for that I don’t think it could fit in simple words. So here’s my attempt at letting you know how proud I am to have you in our lives. I want to thank you. Thank you for holding my hair back as I hovered over the toilet those…

For Better Or Worse

When I said “for better or for worse” nearly 5 years ago, I meant it. But in all honesty, I’m not sure what I thought “for better or for worse” was going to look like in our marriage. Job changes, financial difficulties, arguments over household chores, parenting differences. Sure, I considered and expected things like…

Survival Mode

Everything felt “off”. The way I woke up—instantly crabby, hungry, done with the brand new day. The way I went to sleep—no rhythm, no rhyme to the evening, just everyone go to bed so I can have some PEACE! The way I moved through the day—frantically keeping schedules, juggling needs and appointments. It was all…

Breaking The Cycle

From the moment I found out I was pregnant, my world completely changed. Of course I was scared, nervous, excited and all of the above. This was my first pregnancy. When I found out I was having a daughter, I was even more excited. To be carrying a mini me made me feel like the…

I Think It’s Time

It was faint and sweet at first. I thought it was part of the dream I was having but it slowly lulled me out of a deep sleep. My daughter was awake. I slowly raised my wrist to see the time on my FitBit. 3:32 a.m. Well, at least she slept for over six hours straight….

Thank You, Toxic Mother.

Think. Type. Delete. Think. Type. Delete. Sweat profusely. Think. Type. And delete… again. This has been going on for hours. No scratch that. For days. I’m trying to make the words and thoughts in my head magically appear on this screen and be meaningful, but every time I try it all gets jumbled into a sad mess….

A Mother To A Daughter

Dear Alice, I always wanted a daughter. I ached and longed and prayed and cried for you. Every wish I had paled in comparison to the dreams of you. And then you came. You came quickly like a tornado on a wild night that I will remember for the rest of my life. What I felt for you was…

Our Good Old Days

It’s a dreary and cold October evening. I’m in my (under construction) kitchen, doing dishes, getting my daughter’s bottles ready for daycare, and packing mine and my husband’s lunches for work. I haven’t even gotten around to thinking of what we could make for dinner. It’s already past 7:00. My daughter is in her highchair snacking…

Authentically Ours

When I was younger, I used to love looking over our family’s photos. My mom had an entire shelf dedicated to her photo album sets that opened up like books and had rows of prints contained in plastic coverings you would flip up to view each one. It was one of my favorite pastimes to…

Comparison Is A Thief

A while back, my husband and I were on a date, nothing fancy and nothing frilly. But as we were headed back home, we noticed this long line of cars stopped ahead of us, at a complete standstill. We see cop cars and flashing lights, but we can’t figure out why everything is so backed up….

This Life We’ve Built

It’s been roughly five years of marriage. Why did that seem to fly by so fast? Sometimes I still feel like the girl with the crush on the football player in high school. The girl on the boy’s hockey team whose boyfriend would come cheer her on at every game. The girl that couldn’t stand…

I Am With You

My loving husband, Yes, you. I see you. The tired, worn out you. I know lately things have been a little tense in our home. We are struggling to find coordination in our everyday life with so much going on right now. Between remodeling the house, trying to sell the house, studying for school and…

I Can’t Do This.

There may be days when you think, I can’t do this. Days when you don’t feel good enough, when you look around and feel inferior to every other parent on the planet. Times, maybe, when you feel like a failure, when your eyes search your baby’s face desperately for approval but none is forthcoming. There…

I’m Okay With Sacrifice

It hit me today, as I sat on the dock at the lake nursing my daughter, that motherhood has really changed my life. I knew this already, of course. But as I sat there on a beautiful summer day watching my friends lounge in the lake with such a carefree manner, I realized how little…

You Are A Good Mama

I often do my thinking when I’m driving. It’s when things just come to me sometimes like a bolt of lightning and sometimes like a soft whispering voice. It’s when I pray the hardest and most intently for certain things. It’s when I praise the most. It’s when I come to understand a new outlook….

Motherhood Made Me Stronger

Motherhood truly is an amazing journey, and I am completely in awe of how it has changed me. I’m not talking how motherhood made me physically stronger, because let’s be honest, my numbers at the gym have gone done. But we’ll get back there. No, I’m talking about how it’s made me more social, given me the confidence…

It Won’t Always Be Like This

Hey Sweet Face, It won’t always be like this. Our lives will not always feel like we’re rushing, like we’re perpetually late, like we’re always playing catch up. Life will not always be this ‘raising a baby’ level of chaos. We won’t always have a mountain of laundry to power through and tackle on the…

Going Since 2008

How do you possibly explain that being young and in love does not in any way diminish the quality of that love? The feelings I felt for my husband when I was 17 may have dulled in excitement, but not in passion. If anything, that has only grown. This past March, we celebrated ten years…

And Yet….

You’re tired again, aren’t you? I know. I am, too. My little one is finally tucked away in bed, for a few hours at least, and I already feel the weariness of tomorrow creeping over me like a heavy sigh. It’s just so much, having this little one rely on me for her every need, day…

It’s These Moments

Dear husband, Being a new mom is hard, but I know being a new dad is hard too and it doesn’t get nearly the same attention or empathy. I want you to know that I see everything you do for us, and it makes my world brighter. Though you may not see me watching and…

It’s Better Than I Could Have Ever Imagined

It was 3 am when I heard it. It was faint at first. Her little whimpers began to lull me out of a deep sleep. I tried to pretend I was dreaming and that the baby I just rocked to sleep a few hours ago wasn’t already hungry again. But as the whimpers turned into full-on…

I Miss You Already

I sifted through your bin today. The bin I put all of the clothes in that no longer fit you. Stashed in your room, I found your hospital bracelet from the day you were born. I placed it in my palm and circled it back together. I held it in the place where the nurse…

Twenty Something Motherhood

I was 26 when I got pregnant and was 27 when I had my daughter. But I like to think that I am still a baby myself. And even though I only have four months of parenting experience under my belt, I feel like these four months have taught me so much. That’s motherhood for you. I’ve learned…

Imperfect Happiness

Husband, I’m so happy. With you, with our daughter, with our lives. I wanted to take a second out of the beautiful mess that is our lives and acknowledge that. Things aren’t perfect, but they never will be someone else’s definition of perfect, will they? Maybe perfection isn’t what we’re chasing anyway. Maybe it’s happiness….

Instead I Had A Daughter

Do you ever catch sight of a woman who looks like you… but before you had a baby? She’s rushing somewhere to work. (She’s very important.) Or she’s lounging at brunch with her besties, without a care in the world. She might have kids someday, but her mind cannot fathom what becoming a mother will…

What They Didn’t Tell Me

My beautiful daughter, Here is what they didn’t tell me: When they placed you, a beautiful tiny newborn grasping for me, in my outstretched arms, everything changed. And not in all the ways I originally thought. There would be days of exhaustion and desperation. There would days that would leave me gasping for air and…

I’m All In

Today, after my shower I slipped my wedding band back on before I brushed my hair. For some reason, I stopped and looked at it on my finger and I remembered when we picked it out together. I remembered when you placed it on my finger four years ago. I also think it’s a beautiful…

Dear Derek: When I Forget To See You

Dear Derek, The last few months have been, for lack of a better word, chaotic. We’re parents now. Everything has changed. During my pregnancy I was told by numerous amounts of people that our marriage would change. We as Kiersten and Derek, would change. I didn’t believe them. I told myself I would not let…

A Textbook Birth: My Birth Story

Disclaimer: Below is my story. It’s my journey. In no way am I saying that your story is wrong or that my story is right. It’s simply mine. I encourage everyone as you prepare for your own birth to do what is right for you; what makes you feel safe. Research your options and choose…